I was working, and didn't watch the Ontario leaders debate. Never one to let a little thing like that stop me from commentating, here's what I believe will be a fairly accurate transcript of the debate:
Dalton McGuinty. Friends, I am here tonight not to win an election, but to save public education for our children. Because this man [points to John Tory] will kill off public education as sure as only legal handguns will kill off our children. I am here to regulate his plans into bureaucratic oblivion [giggles].
John Tory: That's false, you are a liar.
DM: I don't lie. After being elected last time I was forced, through your parties mismanagement, to cede an inconvenient untruth.
JT: Liar. That's not leadership. We need leadership.
Howard Hampton. Gentlemen.. This is unbecoming. Surely we can all agree to throw gobs of money at public education, university and teachers, and to make kindergarten an all day affair.
DM: That sounds reasonable.
JT: You have had four years to implement all that, what have you been doing. Where has the leadership been on this issue. Why haven't you told people of your plans. Liar.
HH: So you disagree with those suggestions Mr. Tory.
JT: Oh dear god no! A little right wing for my liking perhaps, but your in the ball park.
DM: I am not a liar, Mr. Tory. I am disingenuous in my honesty, and I wish you would stop calling me a liar.
HH: We need to raise the minimum wage to 10.00 immediately.
DM: $10.25, Mr. Hampton. Poor people need $10.25 to survive, but they don't need it just yet. Soon as we get these pesky years with a zero in them out of the way.
HH: You have had four years already, now you want another two? Why would you need two years Mr McGuinty?
DD: To give people time to forget I promised it. Last mandate I raised taxes a mere six months after promising not to, and look at the trouble that got me into.
JT: Liar! That's not leadership!! Speaking of leadership, when I ran a government regulated monopoly, we made tons of cash, and we did it with some of the worst customer service ever seen. It takes real leadership to be profitable in a government regulated monopoly. No sitting on the sidelines watching the first nations peoples burning down your buildings in that game.
DM: And what would you do in Caledonia, Mr. Tory?
JT: I'd accuse the first nations protesters of stealing American satellite signals, and sent the CRTC after them. Nobody can resist a bureaucracy that entrenched.
DM: How would that work?
JT: Are you kidding, they'll be filling out forms, in triplicate, for years. Liar! Look folks, a common liar [points to DM].
DM: Stop calling me that.
JT: Oh look, your pants are on fire.
DM [looks]
JT: Made you look; only a real liar would look.
Vote for me for honest leadership.
DM: Public education is a right, and it is good. It is good because it's public, and because it's an education. Stop this dangerous lunatic from giving that education to 5,000 more kids; stop him in the name of inclusiveness. Vote for me, Dalton McGuinty, all save public education for all kids, except the 5,000 noted earlier.
HH: I'm Howard Hampton. Vote for me and you won't have to vote for these two.
