King Arthur Movie Tristan

P. J. O'Rourke.

The writer/humourist did a nice job of breaking down Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations in last years On the Wealth of Nations: Books that Changed the World. It's a difficult book to handle, and O'Rourke did so deftly.

For that, for his years of satire, (many a blogger, myself included, knows how difficult it can be to write satire) happy birthday, and may you have 60 more.

My pal Gerry Nicholls has quite a funny column on Stephane Dion in today's Sun: Let's replace Dion with a carrot.

My favourite bits:

Stephane Dion wants to move the Liberal Party to the Left.
A carrot is good for your eyesight.
Advantage: The Carrot

Stephane Dion is a former academic with a keen interest in constitutional affairs.
A carrot is an inert piece of vegetable matter.
Advantage: The Carrot

Stephane Dion has a green plan.
A carrot is actually organic and has a green stem and feathery green leaves.
Advantage: The Carrot

Read the rest here, with Sheila Copps less amusing, slightly more personal re-jab comparing Harper to a rutabega here.

Never mind the politics, someone pass a slab of meat.

It's probably an oldie, but thanks anyway to Ron for sending this along:

Little Melissa comes from Chance Cove Newfoundland and attends first
grade.
After school she tells her father that they learned about the history of
Valentine's day.'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, I was
wondering if I gave a Valentine to someone who was not, will God get mad
at me for giving them a valentine?'
Melissa's father thinks a bit, and then says 'No, I don't think God would
get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?''

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden,' her father asks in shock.
'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little Newfoundland Christian girl
could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new-found
pride. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.''

'I know,' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, our
Canadian Soldiers can shoot the fucker.

Wonder if Dad choked on his granola bar?

What's funnier?

or

Because according to the Sun, they ran with the alternate, unoffensive to Nutjobastinaians cartoon last week, because:

Sometimes a cartoon can be funny and even useful. Sometimes it isn't. We made the switch and ran the funnier strip.

The two cartoons you see above are this weeks Opus, presumably the safe one was used for the same reason. (which maybe explains why the Sun's weekday comic page has become pathetic this summer).

When I wrote that piece on Wednesday, I noted the Sun once was edgy, gutsy paper, and now they're a bunch of cowards. Out of a sense of fairness, not being sure why they didn't post the original cartoon, I didn't post that.

New events lead me to change that decision.

I was going to take until Monday to come back, bring things back to life with a bit of a bang. However, when it comes to messin' with Opus, my outrage knows no bounds. I was content to let others run this story, but nobody seemed to notice the local angle. First off, the controversy. Many papers, citing Islamo-whackisim did not run this cartoon last Sunday.

(Click on image for full size)

Our local Opus carrying rag, the Tardy Toronto Sun, managed to sneak under the radar but also did not run the cartoon. Instead it ran this one. If you look in the bottom left corner of frame #2, you will see the date 8/26/07. Presumably, Mr. Breathed issued two different cartoons this week, and we Canadians got the second rate one. Too bad, but I can't help but wonder if the Sun would have ran the first one if they had it.

(once again, click on image for full size).

Note: This post has been altered from it's original.

After reading this quote in this story:

...one nudist I met offered me a tour. (He knew the area well -- he happens to also work for the NCC.)

I thought "thank God Gerry Nicholls isn't with them anymore."

Then I realized they meant the National Capital Commision, not the National Citizens Coalition.

Whew!

Last week I was driving south along Townline Road here in Cambridge, toward the site of the new RIM Centre, home of the Waterloo Predators (Names are based on pure speculation and is not to be taken as fact; Site location, however, is based on conjecture, and may be treated as such). This section of Townline is a two lane road, yet some guy on a motor bike travelling north was passing in the centre of the road, between cars. Which brings me to one of the funniest stories of the week:

About 40 motorcyclists from across the province held a rally at Queen's Park yesterday calling for stiffer penalties for motorists whose actions put bikers' lives at risk.

"Bikes have a right to share the road and we need to cut down on the carnage," said Brian Burnett, provincial vice-chairman with Bikers Rights Organization Canada. "The province set up new laws to stop street races. We want to see changes to the Highway Traffic Act regarding the usually lax charges laid in regarding tragic collisions with bikes."

The group took part in a Fallen Riders Memorial Awareness Ride and held a ceremony for 67 bikers killed on the road since the late 1960s.

Burnett said as many as 40 bikers can be killed on Ontario roads every year.

Because I'm responsible for clown boy passing cars in the middle of the road. Or that guy last year who was driving on a 410 exit ramp at over 200 KM/ hour.

I have always been amazed that I am not allowed to drive to the grocery store at 40KM/hour, without a seat belt, but these guys can drive 100KM/hour on the highway with, as cousin Eddie would say, "nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government [approved] plastic."

With that in mind, they should be careful what they ask for. When Dalton McGuinty sees that 40 bikers a year number, he will be looking to ban bikes; that's how he solves problems. But really, should they be asking for greater protection from drivers until they have done more about the lousy bike riders on the road. They are out there, they are a legion, and anybody who drives regularly sees them everyday in the summer. It's not all of them, certainly not, but it's enough.

But none of that is why the story is so amusing. It's the last line that makes it so:

The biker group also wants the province to strike down the mandatory helmet law.

The Washington Posts Gene Weingarten had a great column, appearing in todays National Post, entitled "Much to Paris Hilton's embarrassment..." (sorry, no link available). It covers phrases not found in google, some of which are hilarious. A googlenot (Weingarten 's phrase, not found on google) is what he calls them:


"Much to Paris Hilton's embarrassment"
"Caviar 'n' taters"
"Next, boil the toast"
"Please accept these underpants as collateral..."
"Hey, this tastes like aardvark"
"Wearing only a codpiece and a sombrero"
and my favourite
"Supercalifragilisticexpialidociousesque"

Look for that last one to make it into my repertoire of lines, and if your at dinner with me, don't be surprised if you hear "Hey, this tastes like aardvark."

I found a few of my own

"fat, ugly Shania Twain"
"he rode his bike up Mt. Everest" (Surprisingly, however, "bicycle up Everest" had a hit, as in "IE6 and Javascript: Slower than me riding a bicycle up Everest.")
"brilliant Jean Charest"
"dolphin in the headlights"
And finally
"Weingartenisms" and, in fairness "Hespelerisms" & "Gardinerisms".