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Thursday, March 10, 2011
title: The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can’t Master the Madness of Love—and Why That’s the Best Part
author: Mari Ruti, Ph.D.
genre: non fiction/self-help/relationships
published: February 2011
first line: I got the idea for this book from a course on romantic love I taught at Harvard for a few years.
pages: 270
rated: 4 out of 5 stars
Based on a popular course taught at Harvard, author Mari Ruti, Ph.D. invites us to rethink our notions of love in The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can’t Master the Madness of Love—and Why That’s the Best Part .
Are you tired of hearing that men and women come from different planets? Are you sick of the idea that men and women live in separate emotional universes? You’re not the only one.
The Case for Falling in Love is aimed at women who are tired of hearing that they need to learn to read “the male psyche” in order to have successful relationships. Dr. Ruti rails against that gender-specific advice of many self-help guides—calling out the popular works of Sherry Argov, Greg Behrendt and Helen Fisher—and dismantles the tired notions that men and women are “wired” differently, and that men therefore need to be “tricked” into love and marriage.
Through pop culture examples, Dr. Ruti shows that television shows—yes, Gossip Girl—and movies offer us much better models for gender and romantic behavior than most self-help guides.
The Case for Falling in Love is a helpful relationship advice book that touches on a wide variety of topics when it comes to romantic relationships.
With chapters like Saving the Soul of Love , Modern Cinderellas Look Beyond the Prince's Ball and What is Meant to Happen Always Will, author Mari Ruti, Ph.D. debunks several myths about romance and love in great detail.
The author gives great examples of how women fall into the trap of dating the wrong men. She discusses men who have commitment phobias and who are narcissistic and how they manipulate the women they are dating.
She talks about advice offered in self-help books, ideas like men wanting women who appear weak and needy. Mari Ruti discusses preconceived notions such as how men are supposed to be predators and women their prey, and how these ideas land people in unhealthy romantic relationships. Love breaks you open. It confounds you. Through it, a sliver of magic enters your everyday world. How you choose to care for this sliver is your decision to make. But I urge you not to squander it by buying into self-help fantasies about what makes you a woman worthy of being loved.
p.25
I like how she uses popular television programs like 90210, Bones and Dawson's Creek, as references for couples in relationships. She says shows like these shatter gender stereotypes, because the males in them are more emotional and open, instead of being stereotypical alpha males.
I think The Case for Falling in Love is a great book for women trying to get some advice and insight when it comes to finding Mr. Right. The book is well written and author Mari Ruti has done hear research. She even refers to Freud and his thoughts on mourning and melancholy.
Some of her advice is to be yourself, know when to get out of an unhealthy relationship and break negative patterns when it comes to relationships.
It's essential to realize, though, that breaking counterproductive patterns is no something we ever fully accomplish. It can always only be an imperfect (and ongoing) process. There may even be times when we slide backward. That's okay. The point is not to conquer the unconscious. The point, rather, is to become more aware of how it motivates our behavior. The point is to identify the part we unconsciously play in the crafting of our emotional destiny.
p. 189
About the Author:
Mari Ruti, Ph.D. was educated at Brown, Harvard, and the University of Paris. After finishing her Harvard doctorate in 2000, she spent four years as assistant director of the university’s program for the study of women, gender, and sexuality. She is currently associate professor of critical theory in the University of Toronto’s English Department. She splits her time between Toronto, the East Coast, and Maui. Read more here: www.mariruti.com
Special thanks to April over @ Sourcebooks
