It's gotten to a stage in my life, where I'm constantly questioning myself and others around me. I am in shock over the amount of abuse I get, and please for heavens sake - don't think this is a pity blog, I'm just speaking my thoughts. At first I received the normal amount of abuse, the normal slags here and there - that everyone gets. But it's risen too high now, there are literally people sitting on their arses all day abusing me. It's funny, you'd think I made some enormous mistake in the past for people to hate, but the thing is - I haven't. I'm in arguements with people of course, but that's between us - and for some reason people feel the need to choose sides. As if my life is a fucking soap opera or something. I'm so sick of it all, really am. I know I say I don't care, and this is probably dangerous putting this publicly, but the abuse is getting to me now. Every day, constantly being told how ugly I am, how big my jaw is etc is having it's effects. When people start leaving rotten remarks about my Nana, or any member of my family, I break down. I have my own followers on twitter abusing me, copying and pasting what I tweet and then sending it to me. It makes me paranoid and question my peers. I feel so little trust in people these days, I feel so little trust in myself. People constantly telling me I won't get into LCF, or I won't end up moving to London... I just ask myself, why would someone bother leaving that? What are they going to achieve? The satisfaction of putting me down, for like 10 minutes of themselves feeling happy? Then it's over. So they send more. Think about it, why even say anything negative about me, when you're the one there abusing me, over the INTERNET, anonymously? People ask how I deal with all the abuse and the only answer I have is that I am numb to it now, being told certain things over and over again becomes typical to me, I don't even take it in - I know. I don't even know why I'm writing this blog. You may wonder why I don't delete my formspring, I don't because I don't want the saps to know that they've won, they'll never win. So it'll stay there. When I was a kid I used to cry myself asleep at night, I was always bullied. I don't I haven't not been bullied since the age of like, 6. I've gone through some really dark patches in my life, and I'm not afraid to talk about them. I went through depression, self-harm and suicide attempts. There I've said it. People probably think I'm gagging for attention here, but maybe, just maybe some little shit who's been abusing me will maybe realise how serious this is getting? I find myself closer to one of those dark places again, I constantly am put-down when I feel even the slightest bit of joy. After the horrible suicide of Phoebe Prince in the U.S you think some people would reconsider cyber-bullying? Maybe at first it's a joke to you. At first I took it with a pinch of salt ''oh just ignore them Leanne'', but that's coming from people who don't receive abuse. Empathise for one fucking minute. I don't know what point I'm even trying to state here, I don't know. I'm constantly going back to this and writing more. This shit is meant for a diary not the internet. But what's done is done. Fuck it.
